Coming out from behind the mask
Masking is holding back the things that would otherwise show – stimming, a flat tone that hides how loud things feel, rehearsing a sentence before you say it, working out what expression your face is supposed to be making. Researchers who study it call it camouflaging, and they’ve found what a lot of Autistic and ADHD people already knew: it’s exhausting, whether or not it’s a conscious choice, and it takes a real, measurable toll. (Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire research, PubMed)
Here’s the part that matters for sleep. Masking doesn’t clock off when the day ends. By the time you reach bed, your body can still be braced from hours of effort, even while your mind feels ready to stop. That mismatch – a tired mind in a body that’s still on guard – is one of the quieter reasons winding down doesn’t happen just because you’ve turned the lights off.
What “coming out from behind it” actually looks like
It’s rarely one dramatic unmasking. More often it’s small, private permissions in the last hour of the day: letting your face do whatever it wants, stimming without editing it, not performing being fine for anyone – including yourself. If you live with other people, this might mean carving out fifteen minutes that are genuinely just yours before you try to sleep, rather than going straight from “on” to “lights out.”
Why this needs its own time, not just an earlier bedtime
A body that’s been braced all day doesn’t relax the moment it’s given permission to. It needs a runway. That’s part of why a wind-down routine matters more than an earlier bedtime for a lot of masked, exhausted people – the routine isn’t really about the clock, it’s about giving your nervous system enough time to notice it’s allowed to stand down.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for needing this time, and you don’t need to have a diagnosis to recognise the exhaustion described here. If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not imagining the effort – it’s real, and it’s one of the more overlooked reasons sleep can be hard even on nights when nothing else seems to be going wrong. (For the full picture, including what helps, see the dedicated page: Masking and rest)
About Heather Darwall-Smith
Heather Darwall-Smith is a UKCP-accredited psychotherapist specialising in sleep, and the author of The ADHD Sleep Book. Diagnosed with ADHD herself later in life, she knows first-hand what it’s like to live with a disco ball of a brain that refuses to switch off at night.
